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Chuck Berman / MCT via Getty Images
Barbra Robinson, left, looks over instructions as she wraps a turkey in foil under the watch of supervisor Alice Coffey during training for Butterball Turkey Talk-Line employees in 2010 in Naperville, Ill. Butterball expects to answer the questions of 1 million cooks this holiday season.
We all want to experience a perfect Thanksgiving feast, but in the pressure-packed, family-filled run-up to the big day, there is at least one multitasking method you should NOT try at home.
That would be the approach attempted by a man who called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line for some advice while tackling another pre-holiday chore.
“He had a list that was given to him from his wife and among it was to thaw the turkey and to bathe the children,” talk-line expert Nicole Johnson said. “He decided he was going to put the twins in the bathtub alongside the turkey. He was thawing them all out together.
“At first I thought he was kidding but he wasn’t,” she added, recalling the sound of little ones splashing in the background. So, Johnson gamely steered their conversation toward food safety and the best ways to thaw a bird: in the refrigerator, or by immersing it in cold water.
Butterball
Butterball Turkey Talk-Line employees are trained to talk first-time cooks and other nervous callers off the ledge.
“I told him what we mean by a cold-water bath is in a kitchen sink or laundry-room sink,” Johnson said with a laugh.
Butterball started its Turkey Talk-Line in 1981. The company is expecting to assist 1 million inquisitive cooks this November and December through the talk-line (1-800-BUTTERBALL) and via Facebook, Twitter, live-chats, emails and its website.
At the talk-line, 57 holiday-meal experts will field all sorts of questions from callers, many with nervousness or desperation in their voices as they strive to attain perfection for Thanksgiving Day and its golden bird. Sometimes the anxiety manifests itself through heavy breathing.
“It’s just absolute panic,” Johnson said of some callers. “But we can talk them through anything. There’s really nothing that can’t be solved.”
Hiding from family in a pantry
Johnson, a talk-line expert since 2001, said she appreciates the challenge of trying to talk first-time cooks off the ledge.
“I love the phone call when it starts out, ‘I’ve never cooked a turkey. Help!’” said Johnson, 35, of Chicago. “That’s my opportunity to go wild.”
Over the years, Johnson has encountered some pretty creative techniques and challenges. For instance, Bath Dad was not the only one to discuss an unconventional thawing technique.
“A lot of people want to do countertop thawing, but it’s not a safe method,” Johnson said. “People will sort of come up with their own creative methods, like using an electric blanket. We’ve heard Jacuzzi.”
Butterball
Checking the temperature of a turkey flusters many of the novice cooks who call Butterball's helpline.
Some of the most anxious calls come from stressed-out first-time cooks, newlyweds looking to put their stamp on the holiday, or men making a maiden voyage into the kitchen.
One woman became flustered when Johnson advised her to check for doneness by inserting her meat thermometer in three places. “Her whole tone changed,” Johnson recalled. “She said, ‘Well now I have to run back to the store and buy three meat thermometers.’”
Another woman who was newly married also needed advice on determining when her bird was cooked. The problem was that Johnson could barely hear her because she was hiding from her new family.
“She had her in-laws in the dining room and she was in a walk-in pantry,” Johnson said. “She wanted to impress her mother-in-law.”
The male callers have included a fireman put in charge of cooking the station house dinner for the first time, and a dad whose wife had just given birth on Thanksgiving. The hospital ran out of turkey, so he wanted to make one for her at home.
The calls that really give Johnson goose bumps come from men whose wives have died.
“A lot of times it’s the grandpa calling,” she said. “He wants to carry on the tradition for his kids and grandkids and we’re walking him through it. That’s always a good one and one that I spend even more time with."
Butterball
Even though they're often hoarse by the time they get off work, most Butterball Turkey Talk-Line employees love helping people in an hour of need.
‘I told you so’
When Johnson hears that she is on speaker phone, it is often a sign of marital discord — and she can tell she’s being asked to referee. “I think, ‘Oh, boy, here we go,’” Johnson said. “We’re the counselor between the husband and wife. We get that a lot.”
And if you’re one of those couples who does that, make sure you’ve really hung up the phone before you gloat to your spouse. Often, Johnson will hear, “See, I told you so!”
Callers have asked Johnson to hold on the line while they give her tips a try. One man needed help with lumpy gravy. Johnson, who has a graduate degree in nutrition and dietetics, suggested a solution she learned from her mom: Try putting the gravy through the blender.
With the whir of the blender, her caller was satisfied.
For Johnson, who is at home with her four young children during the year and works for Butterball every holiday season, hearing happiness in her callers’ voice is the best part of the job.
“After we leave our eight-hour shift, are we exhausted? Yes,” Johnson said. “Our voices are almost hoarse. But you go home feeling like you are on top of the world. You’ve done so much good for the callers. It’s really a rewarding job.”
Anyone in the United States or Canada can call the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line (1-800-BUTTERBALL), regardless of which brand of turkey is giving them fits. Bilingual assistance is available in English and Spanish.
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In the world of internet, why would you call for help when there is so much information at your fingertips already.
Because some people are just ignorant. Others don't know how to do proper searches on the internet to find the right information, and need to hear a human voice for the information to sink in to their brains.
My favorite turkey-gone-wrong story is the lady that cooked a beautiful bird, then had her relatives ask about stuffing. "Oh, I didn't have to make any. It came stuffed!" she replied. Turned out that she never removed the bag of giblets from the body cavity before cooking the turkey, and just popped the whole bird into the oven.
The first time my husband 'helped' with the turkey I told him to remove the bags inside the bird. Well, he forgot so they got cooked. Next year, he did remember but only removed one of them and of course there were two. But this time I double checked and showed him the second. Now I simply find something else for him to do, like set the table.
Because a human voice is soothing and a personal touch is worth a dozen internet recipes.
Why would you call for help? Well, a human voice is reassuring, especially when it's something important to people like a major holiday dinner for all their family and friends. But also because there may be a lot of info at your fingertips, but it's not all accurate, is it? Plus, it might be the "world of the internet" for you and me, but not everyone who cooks a turkey has a computer or Internet access at their fingertips, either.
Well Mr Internet connected folks like Young1 and StandupJokeOff, because as of 2009 by Neilson Ratings around 80% of homes have a PC and 92% of those have internet access, that means 25% of the population can't Google it for themselves.
I am sure that the % has gone up but there is still a large number of people without PC access or internet in their homes. Consider that in 2009 of the people with internet access at home, 10% were still using dialup and oh the joy of dialup accessing sites set up for people that are on broadband. Even heavily cross-scripted sights can be painful for broadband users in certain parts of the country.
Of the 75% left, some would find infomation overload by Googling it or fail to understand how to whittle down the information they do get.
Ironically, I've been cooking the family bird for a dozen years now and I don't see the way I do it anywhere on the net easily. And it turns out nearly perfect everytime. I haven't had a dry, unflavorful bird in years. It's a combination of techniques I got out of the Joy of Cooking.
Under 18 pounds, brined, on a rack with some water in pan, stuffed with an apple, onion, celery and herbs, and cooked upside down until the last hour of roasting at 325. The juices from the bird bastes the breasts as it cooks and being upside down protects the breasts from the high heat being radiated off the roof of the oven. The flip is always an adventure but it makes a fantastic roast bird.
Is this article legit? How are people so ridiculous? Stupid human tricks, for real!
Unlike the writer who thinks that people have to be 'ignorant' or have info 'sink into their brains,' if one actually reads the articles, many callers are older folks for whom the internet is not a familiar tool, and most are anxious and need reassurance. I'm very sorry that people no longer realize that human-to-human contact, even if over the phone, is soothing and often necessary. No ignorance or stupidity needed, just simple compassion and understanding. Perhaps some who think to post should look up the meaning of those words before they send something as well.
Nor is needing, or even wanting, reassurance ridiculous or a 'stupid human trick.' Get real, indeed!
And don't forget to take the bag of giblets out of the neck cavity.
I've heard that one many times....does anyone know if it's true or just an urban (or perhaps suburan) legend??
Wonder if the kids got cold with a huge "ice cube" in the bath with them?
I wonder how the turkey tasted after being in the tub with dirty kids and soap.
Goodness. I hope he left on the air tight plastic wrapper before putting the turkey into the tub, but you never know.
You don't seriously think that if he put the bird in the tub with the kids he would actually think do you?
Never thaw a turkey in the bathtub. Thaw it in the toilet, after you've eaten lots of corn -- ready-made stuffing!
Two birds. One stone.
Sometimes it is more helpfult to talk to a person. Not enough of that now days.
There is a point where lack of knowledge - we've all been there at times - gives way to incredulous idiocy. Its mind boggling.
I once knew a guy who tried to have immoral relations with a defrosted turkey.
Gave a whole new meaning to the term "stuffing".
cooking a turkey is not hard. Get a fresh one so you don't have to worry about thawing it. I made my first "thanksgiving" meal last year for only my wife and I and it turned out fabulous. Ale-brined turkey is so moist and flavorful you'll probably do nothing else ever again (except maybe deep-fat frying).
If you know how to cook, and you know a little about food safety, you'll be fine.
I'm trying a champagne brine this year as well as using champagne during roasting. I tried brining for the first time about 6 years ago. Never looked back.
Happy Thanksgiving Butterball. Gobble Gobble Gobble